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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28946538">it wasn’t you, it was me (i love you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/strwberrypocky/pseuds/strwberrypocky'>strwberrypocky</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alpha Kuroo Tetsurou, Alpha Tsukishima Kei, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Im a little shit, Implied Mpreg, Kuroo Tetsurou needs a hug, Letters, M/M, Married Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Maybe a little OOC, Mentioned Yamaguchi Tadashi, No Happy Ending Fest, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima Kei is a Little Shit, he really does love yams, i just didn’t write it enough, not for krtsk tho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:42:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,260</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28946538</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/strwberrypocky/pseuds/strwberrypocky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>kuroo hasn’t heard from him in weeks and when does, </p>
<p>it’s in a form of a letter.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>it wasn’t you, it was me (i love you)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this was inspired by jo/alex.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <em>“The number you’re trying to call is not in reach right now, leave a message after the beep.”</em>
</p>
<p class="p1"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <strong> <em> <span class="s1">beep.</span> </em> </strong>
</p>
<p class="p1"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">14 days and 23 minutes.</span> </em>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">14 days and 23 minutes since he has last seen and heard of Tsukishima Kei. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">kuroo set his foot out off the car and into the concrete, slamming his door after he had gone off. he walked over to his mailbox, opened it, and took the stack of envelopes out. it’s been a long time since he’s had this much mail. he let out a ‘hum’ and sauntered back to the house. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">kuroo takes seat on his couch and looks over the mail.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1"><em> <span class="s2">‘Bills</span> <span class="s1">- </span> <span class="s2">i’ll do it later, scams, internet service provider note,-‘ </span> </em> <span class="s2">just as he’s about to drop all the mail and call it a day, his eyes notice an envelope at the bottom with the name, ‘</span> <span class="s4"><em>tsukishima kei</em>.’</span></p>
<p class="p1"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">kuroo immediately drops all except for his letter and clutches it tightly. he jumps up and immediately goes to his bedroom. this is the first he has heard from kei in weeks and he wanted to be ready for whatever was beyond that paper. kuroo sat on the side of the bed with his legs spread apart, back bent, and his elbows propped up against his knees. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he took a deep long breath and began to rip open the envelope, nervously sweeping back his messy hair. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s1">‘</span> <span class="s2">Dear </span> <strike> <span class="s5">tetsu, </span> </strike> <span class="s2">tetsurou, i’m sorry. You deserve more than a letter; and this right here is cowardice. this letter..</span> </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <strong> <em> <span class="s2"> it’s officially the worse thing i’ve ever done. </span> </em> </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">kuroo’s breath hitches, he keeps his eyes on, ‘officially the worse thing i’ve ever done’. he’s not sure what to expect but whatever it is, he’s <strike>not </strike>ready. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">but this is about me tetsu, it’s not about you.</span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2"> i love you. </span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">i love that you’re whimsical, mischievous, and no matter how many obstacles you may face you always come through them. </span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">i love the way you’re basically a magnet, always attracting everyone and the best relationships. </span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">you helped me. you turned me into a better man. you loved me for the excitement-lacking asshole that i was...and i love you for that. </span> </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">kuroo reminisced at the first time he met tsukishima. a soft smile crept on his face. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">I </span> <span class="s4">love</span> <span class="s2">you.. and maybe it’s not fair of me to say that, but it’s true.</span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">what’s also true is that- </span> <strong> <span class="s4">i’m in love with tadashi. </span> </strong> </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">tetsurou’s eyes widened, his body froze upon reading those words, the feeling of his stomach dropping was so intense he felt like he was about to vomit this whole weeks dinner. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">there was a part of me that always wondered, wanted to know, always felt like we left things </span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">unresolved.</span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">unfinished. </span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">so when hinata needed help- i reached out to him. i reached out to tadashi and it scared the shit out of me. we talked and it felt like no time had passed between us, from our childhood to our teen life. he’s in Iwate and never in my life would i have thought that i belonged here, <strong>but i do</strong>. </span> </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">kuroo started to feel the pool of regret growing, </span> <span class="s2">he </span> <span class="s1">was the one that had pushed him to talk to yamaguchi because, “you guys have been friend for years, no best friends should leave their friendship like that.” </span></p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">i can’t lie to you and pretend the truth isn’t the truth. </span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s4">that</span> <span class="s6"> i love you </span> <span class="s4"><span class="u">and</span> </span> <span class="s6">i love tadashi. </span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s6">but</span> <span class="s2"> if it was just me missing him and it was just nostalgia or whatever, </span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3"> </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s4"><strong>i would’ve been able to walk away and come back to you.</strong> </span> </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">kuroo tried swallowing the lump in his throat away, he would not cry. not until he was finished reading it. a million thoughts appeared in his head, it took willpower for him to push them back and continue. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <strong> <em> <span class="s2">but tadashi has <strike>my</strike> kids. </span> </em> </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">kuroo raced to the bathroom and threw up. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">he laid against the sink and continued reading, not even sure if he even could with all the blurriness that took over. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">and i know you out of all people know what that really means and why i can’t leave now. </span> </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">we both didn’t want children, and as alphas we </span> <span class="s4"> <b>knew</b> </span> <span class="s2"> we couldn’t have any even if we </span> <span class="s4"> <b>wanted</b> </span> <span class="s2"> too. kids were never in my plan, i’d be lying if i said i ever imagined myself with them but when i saw those blonde haired and freckled kids, i just knew they were going to be apart of it. </span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">i have a <b>chance</b> to raise these beautiful children and-</span> </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <strong> <em> <span class="s2"> i just hope you love me back enough to let me take it. </span> </em> </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">droplets hit the paper and stained some of the letters but nevertheless, it was still comprehendible. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“i can’t give you kids. <em>we </em>cant have kids.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“i know, i’m fine with you and <em>only</em> you.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <em><span class="s2">when i told you, ‘i love you’ i meant it, believe me i did...and <b>still</b> do. </span><span class="s4">but tadashi has our kids. </span><span class="s2">trust me, im not doing this to ‘spite’ you or laugh at your face about what </span><span class="s4">we</span> <span class="s4">couldn’t</span><span class="s2"> have- what we couldn’t give each other. </span></em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">he chuckled bitterly at the last bit. he had always imagined a new person entering their future, always a young boy with kei’s face and kuroo’s jet black hair but he would have never expected <em>this</em>. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">i wasn’t apart of their lives until i was feet away from their house when they smelled the weirdly familiar pheromones.</span></em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em>
      <span class="s2"> <strong>i missed 5 years of their life</strong>. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em><span class="s2">that part is still undecided for me because i would never take back the moments i shared with you but part of me longs for the moment they were born and being apart of it.</span> </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <strong> <span class="s4"><em>i wish getting a family and this life <span class="u">didn’t have to hurt you in the process</span>.</em> </span> </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">a sob slipped out and warm tears ran down his face,</span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1"> kuroo quickly wiped them away. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">but i can’t lie to you and i can’t come </span> <strike> <span class="s7">home</span> </strike> <span class="s4"> to you. </span> </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">kuroo looked up and around his the bathroom, tsukkis towel was still there, his toothbrush, his contacts, and most of all- <em>his scent</em>. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2">i signed the divorce papers. </span></em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em>
      <span class="s2">i left everything to you. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em><span class="s2">whatever you choose to do with them is up to you.</span> </em>
  </p>
  <p class="p4"> </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="s2"> destroy them, sell them, anything. <strong><span class="u">you deserve everything</span> <span class="u">good</span> in this life tetsurou.</strong> i hope that you find so much better than me, <span class="u">i really do. </span></span> </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p class="p3">
    <strong> <em> <span class="s2">thank you. </span> </em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p class="p4"> </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <span class="u"> <em> <span class="s2">i’m sorry. </span> </em> </span>
  </p>
  <p class="p4"> </p>
  <p class="p3">
    <em> <span class="u"> <span class="s2">i’ll <strong>forever</strong> love you </span> </span> <span class="s5"><span class="u">tetsu</span>. </span> <span class="s2">’</span> </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">nothing except despair can describe the feeling for him. as the lump in his throat grew and the sobs with it, he found himself struggling to breathe. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">“i </span> <span class="s3">can’t</span> <span class="s1"> breathe, </span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">  <em>i</em> </span> <em> <span class="s3"> can’t breathe</span> </em></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">  <em> <strong>i </strong> </em> </span> <em> <strong> <span class="s4">can’t breath</span></strong></em><span class="s1"><em><strong>e</strong></em>” </span></p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">kuroo reached to take his shirt off in a moment of panic and felt his waist</span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">it’s still there. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4">
  <strike>i can breathe </strike>
</p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">their, ‘bond mark’. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">normally a bond mark would take place on their nape but they knew it wouldn’t work for partners like them, so they settled on each others waist where they could both mark each other. </span>
</p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">he knew alpha/alpha pairs wouldn’t work out, but he thought and hoped they would be the exception. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <em> <span class="s1">obviously they weren’t. </span> </em>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">a part of him was glad for that mark though. call him selfish but he was happy that the bond mark would stay there forever. </span>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <em> <span class="s1">so even if he was making love to the freckled man, even if he was the one that woke up next to him,</span> </em>
</p>
<p class="p3"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <em> <span class="s1"> a reminder of the time and memories they spent together,</span> </em>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <strong> <span class="s3">would </span> <em> <span class="s4">always</span> </em> <span class="s3"> be there. </span> </strong>
</p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p4">and <b>he</b> <b>hoped</b> it <b>hurt</b> <em>freckles</em>.  </p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
<p class="p4"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>woah that took a turn in the end. kuroo was hurting/is hurt but the thought of yams hurting over THEM, or what they were and the mark, left a smile on his face. </p>
<p>(no tsukki did not cheat on him physically when he went to visit, not until the papers are signed tho.)</p>
<p>also some background info: they were a thing before krtsk and broke it off, yams was pregnant tho and he didn’t know. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>LEAVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM please :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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